what4?

it's funny how songs, lyrics, music, writing can completely describe what you feel.
i've been drifting so far away from the things that got me through my childhood, made me into who i am- and i really resent that.
sometimes i really just like to sit on the computer, write, and listen to the musicians i grew up with. it's like a time machine in some ways, and really inspires me.
i know longer want to pursue a career in writing, i know that now. i love writing, it is my solace and will always be in my heart but making a career of something i love so much, well- will sort of be like a marriage: or maybe a commitment i never agreed to in the first place.

it seems i take one step forward, two steps back with my friends sometimes, and then sometimes i feel as if the whole world is at place, but thats the rarest. or is it?
sometimes i want to go back, a year or so ago when mason and i were just starting, when i was still down and didnt feel so content, when thinks were more violently uplifting or shifting.
i guess thats my problem. once contentment occurs, i start to get antsy. it either has to be up or down, no matter if its my minds way or my way.
this is all wrong, i'm just lying or maybe not.

i love a weather.