list`

things that make me feel bad:
prettier girls. mason liking blond hair the most. not seeing natasha anymore.paying too much attention to one person while two are over. eating too much. weight gain. not feeling pretty. wanting to die and telling mason. mason feeling bad because i feel bad. drinking a lot of soda. chapped lips. seeing someone alone. being alone. sleeping alone. noticing that i've drifted from my friends, almost on purpose. only talking of things i hate.when people talk about how much i talk of disliking things. when i have no energy. when i dont want to do something mason wants to do. when my eyes feel heavy. not writing. having no inspiration when i want to write or draw. being too tired to write mason a note. feeling like a bitch. being mean to people. stressing mason out. when masons family has another loss of funds or transportation. mason deserving more. not being able to be happy for others. not having a talent. not progressing. smoking too much. craving to smoke. not having a fast metabolism. feeling below. falling. downs. not being able to get back up. not wanting to wake up. wanting to sleep forever. complaining. complaining about my looks to mason. mason always defending me, to me. never finishing anything. procrastination. dirty room. dog shit. old memories. natasha. not seeing anyone from mandeville. thinking of the trace. withdrawing. pushing people away subconsciously. not eating enough vegetables even though i love them. not eating healthy. not riding my bike. not running. not excersizing. not being as skinny as i want. not having sufficient hours of sleep. not eating enough to where my head hurts. my head hurting. writing sad things. feeling sorry for myself. the doubt on my love. not feeling like mason loves me.not spending enough time wiht my mom. my moms depression. my dads sacrificing. my ingratitude. my lack of ambition. my lack of emotion. my over emotion. stressing justin out. asking justin questions. chads drug addiction. chads annoying pacing. chads fights. dogs jumping on me. hitting tinky. losing interest. jealousy, envy. awkward or stupid comments. blushing. feeling like mason thinks i will like someone else. when mason leaves my house. feeling like i'm not worthy of anything. knowing i'm ordinairy. trivialties, pity, petulance, concescending, close mindedness. wanting to be absorbed into the sun, or to sleep forever.
things that make me feel good:
mason. charlie/blaze. spending time with my mom. mason. laughing with justin. having a nice conversation with chad or my dad. feeling close to natasha. riding my bike really fast. eating healthy, losing weight. mason. blue. yellow. kissing mason. loving mason. being with mason. sleeping with mason. having beautiful sex with mason. charlie licking me. how cute charlie is. how amazing, beautiful, sexy, hott, cute, adorable mason is. how complete mason makes me feel. anything to do with mason. anything to do with other people feeling happy. Its Kind of a Funny Story. the fact that masons reading that. funny movies, in a weird mood. introducing new music to other people. inspiration, or really anything opposite of up there^.