sometimes i really just don't think i can
live anymore. sometimes i want diseases to eat
away at my cells and to eat away at my life.
i'm the most ungrateful, undeserving, selfish
and self centered, waste of space, dishonest,
and morally incorrect person you will ever meet.
sometimes i want to throw myself out in the open,
cut out all my insides and veins until there's only my heart left;
feel every single throb of pain and emotion all mix together as one until all of my mind is one too.
he thinks it's shit, that i'm so worthy- i shouldn't want any of this:
but don't you see? i'm just shitty, and life is just so unfit.
"Walking up the hill tonight
When you have closed your eyes
I wish I didn't have to make all those mistakes and be wise
Please try to be patient and know that I'm still learning
I'm sorry that you have to see the strength inside me burning"
i want to bang my head against the wall until all these tears stop flowing.
this writing is shitty too, i'm so unproductive.
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i hate being in such a jam.
ReplyDeleteive felt that way for the past year, and finally im getting better. its very slow, and its very sad, but im getting better.
being hospitalized actually really helped me...you should check out your options to stabilize your mood.
i feel your pain, every minute of every day. trust me.