there you know.

it's funny how the tiniest remarks can lead to the largest remakes.
i keep looking for happiness in the smallest of smalls; or the biggest of huge-
i know not what container holds it, or how i'll know what it is if i stumble upon it,
but it seems as if it would look to its meaning. maybe that's it though,
i'm expecting it to pop out at any given moment, when really, maybe
it just has to build so there's enough. i want to be happy;
but after i'm happy i really, really don't want to have to go back to being
like this. i'm depending on medicine, i'm looking for answers outside of myself,
i'm asking for everyone elses help. who am i to expect so much? where
do i get off demanding happiness, when i haven't even earned it?
not everyone deserves to be happy, and i'm starting to realize that
one of these days that knowledge is going to hit me right in the heart.