nothing.

when you look at me can you see the pain in my face? do you even realize what its like for your body to shut down? i hate myself. i hate my legs. i literally want to shoot myself in the head just to get out of it- but you cant, because thats selfish. am i that much of a bitch to take myself away just to end the suffering i have just begun to endure? what about the others, that have dealt with it for years? how do they not wake up, crawl out of bed- and stick a fucking knife through their head? its hard, so very hard- and the doctors do nothing. i used to wish i had some infectious disease, well- be careful what you wish for kids, because something like it might just fucking happen.